Father too involved

All my friends are complaining that their husbands are so hands-off when it comes to the baby. It probably sounds so weird to be complaining about this but I have the opposite problem – my husband is completely besotted with his new son and I feel so left out! Please help me to handle this like an adult!

It’s really not that unusual to feel the way you do – you are not selfish or abnormal, just a woman who formerly had her husband to herself, learning to share his attention. Start by appreciating their bond. When you see them together, be aware of the love between them as opposed to the love you aren’t getting. If the relationship between them has a chance to blossom now, there will be many, many times in the future that you will be very glad that the bond exists. It will be an extremely valuable commodity in the years to come – and especially when you have a teen on your hands. It may seem like an impossible dream now, but you will be amazed at how fast that small person will turn into a small adult! Try and turn the situation to your advantage – when your husband comes home from work and wants playtime with baby, you could use that as a perfect opportunity to get a few things done, prepare the supper in peace, or even pop out for a coffee with a friend. This way you also benefit from the situation and can see it more positively.

See if joining in the fun helps you feel less excluded. Join in the cuddles. Participate in the games. Snuggle up when he reads a story.

You may also need to explain to your husband in a gentle and non-confrontational way that you feel excluded. Don’t let the situation build up, speak out before it really becomes an issue for you. He is probably unaware of your feelings. It is also not impossible that he is feeling excluded by you. Had you considered that? Maybe if you are just a bit more demonstrative towards him, he will reciprocate!

Things are changing a lot for you at the moment. It takes time for the family to establish itself. Be patient, loving and caring and before long this issue will be behind you and you will be so, so grateful to have a partner who is so involved in your child’s life.