My sister had to have an emergency caesarean because her baby
showed signs of distress during the labour. She is so sad
and despondent and feels that she is not a real woman because
she did not have a natural birth. She feels like a failure,
and it is really affecting the relationship that she has with
her baby. Please tell me how I can help her.
It is extremely unfortunate that your sister feels this
way. She carried her baby to full term and then delivered
a healthy baby. This is surely the successful outcome that
all mothers are aiming for. Unfortunately there does exist
a stigma among some circles that natural birth is better
than surgical delivery. In fact, we should ALL be celebrating
the fact that the surgical intervention option exists. Discuss
the fact with your sister that 100 years ago, both she and
the baby may have died during the birth process. The baby
was not coping with the birth process and yet is perfectly
healthy today. Also remind her how beautiful her baby was
– caesarean babies are generally much prettier because
they have not been squashed through the birth canal. Birth,
while natural, is a difficult and complicated business,
and there are many things that can go wrong. That is why
the process is so closely monitored. It may take some time
in order to help your sister comes to terms with her experience.
You need to talk to her constantly and even suggest that
she gets therapy. Disappointment with the birth process
can sometimes lead to postnatal depression so early intervention
may be worth the effort. Offer to accompany her if she is
reluctant. It is important to face the feelings she has,
as they may include anger towards the baby itself, since
the baby was the one who deprived her of the birth experience
that she desired. Your sister is lucky that you are concerned.
Make sure that her partner understands the situation and
reinforces the message that a healthy baby is the most important
outcome, and that she did a great job. It may also be worth
calling her doctor and asking the doctor to express the
same opinion at the checkup. Sometimes hearing that view
from a person in authority can help the message get through.
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