I am really struggling with the decision about whether to return to work. The main issue for me is who should care for the baby. Can you give me some guidance please?

Returning to work is a decision that only you and your partner can make. Obviously your financial situation is key in this area, and also you need to look at a few issues. Do you think you have a personality that is more suited to staying at home, or will that be hard for you? For some women, staying at home is difficult and depressing and they find that they are impatient and edgy with their babies. Yet there are also many women who do find motherhood fulfilling and are able to stay at home without feeling that they are losing their identity. It is a very personal thing and there is no wrong or right answer.

Should you decide that you are going to go back to work, the carer that you choose for your baby is vital. Not only does that person need to have the ability to give your baby and loving environment, but the correct stimulation needs to be provided as well. When you are at work you need to be sure that your baby is properly cared for, and not have niggling doubts in the back of your mind.

While there are no hard and fast rules, and babies are more robust and adaptable than most of us give them credit for, the preferred care option would be to have a carer who comes to your home. So an au pair or nanny would ideally have some training, and be able to devote her time to your child and develop a strong bond. The baby stays in familiar surroundings, which makes the adjustment just that bit easier. In addition your baby is spared being exposed to the germs that are inevitable in a school or crèche, just at the time when the immune system is still developing.

Aside from the disadvantage of being a costly option, you also need to be aware of the need for well planned backup for this type of system. If your carer is unable to come to work, then you need to make sure that it is not a disaster for you. Some mothers also feel threatened by the strength of the bond that develops, and need to compete with the carer for the baby’s attention. You need to be very strict with yourself on this issue and make sure that the situation is designed for the best interests of the baby. If the baby calls for the carer when unhappy, rather than for you, you have to find a way to be pleased that the baby is so secure with the carer.

A well run establishment that cares for a few babies in a home setting is probably your next best bet. These are generally women who care deeply for their charges, and will provide a loving and happy environment for the baby to thrive in. The fact that there are only a few babies cuts the infection risk ( although your baby will get sick more than if baby were at home, especially in the beginning when the immune system is still rising to the challenge of all the new germs) and your baby gets to socialise with other babies as a bonus.

In the end, this is going to take a lot of research and soul searching on your part. It will never be an easy decision, so be patient with yourself if you feel it is impossibly hard. You can make the right decision for you and your baby. It might just take time.

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