Ever since my baby was very little, we have regularly left
her with a baby sitter. This has never been a problem, until
recently. Somehow, the crying and tears when we leave make
our cherished night out a lot less fun! Should we give up
the socials until she is a bit more secure?
It is really a good idea that you have managed to have
grown up nights out on a regular basis. You really need
that kind of event to remember that you are a couple, as
well as being parents. So giving up these events would not
be a good idea. However, maybe knowing that this is a normal
part of growing up and developing will help you cope with
the drama.
Very small babies do not have the ability to think about
you when you are not present. Just the same way that a dropped
toy ceases to exist for them, so when you are out of sight,
you are also out of mind. However, as baby matures she starts
to be able to look for a toy that she has dropped, and she
also looks for you when you are not present. In addition,
her ability to be mobile can be a bit scary for her, and
she maintains her security by venturing just far enough
away from you to be able to toddle back and check that you
still exist.
Babies also do not have any concept of time. So if you
leave, the baby has no idea of how long you will be way,
or if you are ever coming back. It’s a scary thought.
Which makes it a little easier to understand all the fuss
every time you leave. However, if you never leave her, she
will never have the chance to learn that although you leave,
you do come back. So a baby that stays with a baby sitter
will gradually learn through experience that goodbye is
not forever, and will become more confident. Some babies
start to feel anxious about being left alone as young as
seven months. Changes in the living environment, such as
a house move or a new baby sitter, can be enough to trigger
this behaviour. There is no way to predict how long it will
last. For some babies it is months, but unfortunately some
babies do take years to find their confidence.
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