My son is a whiner. It drives
me crazy and I give in to him just to make him stop.
Why your toddler whines
Some experts say that whining is a natural default noise
made when a child feels out of control and lacks the vocabulary
to articulate – emotions that pretty much sums up
the situation of being a toddler. Natural or not, it’s
the one thing that can drive a parent up the wall.
What to do.
Toddlers learn early on what presses a parent’s buttons,
and whining is one of them. Consequently as a parent, one
has learned to give in just for the sake of peace and quiet.
To break the habit, here are some ideas from parents.
1. Consistency is the key. “My 2
year old has learned that if she asks for anything in a
whiney voice, she doesn’t get it... ever. That doesn’t
mean to say that I give in to say a biscuit when it’s
just about meal time; even if she asks in a normal voice.”
2. Ignore. “I’ve found that
the best response is not to respond. I turn my back, walk
out of the room, ignore, ignore. She soon learns she will
get no reaction from me until she speaks in a normal voice.”
3. I can’t hear you when you sound like that.
“A lot of toddlers don't even know they're whining”.
It has just become the way they ask for something. Say,
I can’t hear you when you speak in suuuuch a fuuuuny
waaaay. And then ignore him until he speaks normally.
4. Think of a better way to ask. “When my
daughter whines I respond by saying... we don’t
whine to get what we want, think of a better way to ask.
Then I ignore her, and walk away. And I don’t repeat,
I ignore.”
5. What happened to your nice voice? “When
my 2-year-old starts to whine, I say, "Oh dear, what
happened to your nice voice. It seems to have disappeared,
where could it be?
Then I look around the room, under a cushion, in the drawer,
in my pocket, and find the nice voice, and pop it into my
mouth. And then I repeat what she had whined about. Now
it’s become a game... sometimes with encouragement
from me she looks for her nice voice, and pops it into her
mouth.”
6. Make a choice. “The children
(aged 3 and 5) used to drive me crazy with their whining
when I was in a supermarket. Now when I go shopping I let
each of them pick out one item that they really want, something
already on the shopping list e.g. a cereal, or jam, or fruit.
When we get into the checkout lane, and they ask for sweets,
I say.... You have already chosen what you want. I sometime
come home with 3 different pots of jam, but at least without
the early frustration.”
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